Whirrednerd

'Votey McVoteface' is the people's choice for the rubber dinghy making sure the floating voters get to the polling station today. @130story

Legend has it that the whole #StGeorge/dragon saga was a bit of a misunderstanding. The marshmallow on his toasting fork fell off @130story

I'm next to my mate in the cinema. After an hour or so I hear a heavy sigh. "Finally! A woman!" he mutters. "Now you're Tolkien!" @130story

Instructions for lubrication of celestial electric charge : 1) purchase quantity of preferred unguent & pair of wellies. 2) late! @130story

@130story December 17, 1903. Attempts A-D now flaming wrecks. Two brothers wheel out their one remaining flimsy option. But what to call it?

I almost bought some socks today but decided against because, well, true manshoppers will understand; nothing else is just wrong. @130story

The meeting dragged on like golf only people were still breathing.
'See our aide doubled you well'
?
'Oh do pay attention 007'
@130story

Inserting a contact lens with a chilli-laced finger is nought compared to the jolly joker submariner and his bottle of peri-peri. @130story